Knowing that I did my best and yet still feeling frustrated with the outcome, I came home last night feeling deflated, beating myself up and basically telling myself that I am sucking at everything right now. That I suck at life.

It’s easy and fun when we kick butt and take names and come out feeling like a rockstar but what happens when we fall short, are tired or off our game? Furthermore, what happens when there is so much that is out of our control, our lives have been turned upside down and all of the "things" we used to do to validate ourselves, feel confident and feel good about ourselves are taken away? Then what?

Do you beat yourself up?

Are you incredibly hard on yourself?

Do you forget or even avoid giving yourself any credit ?

Do you start berating yourself, calling yourself mean names, shaming yourself and being mean to yourself?

Do you fall into an addictive spiral thinking one more bite of food, one more puff or one more glass of wine will make it all go away?

I ask because I do. Or, I should say, I did and I am changing this pattern and I want you to do the same if this applies.

The current circumstances has brought this old, destructive pattern up for me. I criticize and beat myself up a lot. The pattern has been there for years but I would always be doing something to "cover it up" so it wouldn't surface.. so I could feel good about myself. I kept validating myself externally.

Then I was left naked.

All of my external, go- to validations were taken away. All of my usual distractions and coping mechanisms were spiralling me deeper and staring me in the face so loudly, then the mean voice in my head took over.

We grow through our challenges- the bigger the challenge, the more opportunity there is for growth.

You can choose to succumb to the fear and the discomfort ( and go deeper into the hole) or you can choose to be brave, rewrite your story and grow into who you are meant to become.

Think of self-doubt and self-criticism as a sign that you are on the brink of growth! Instead of resisting and feeling sorry for yourself, follow these 5 action steps!

5 steps to growing through challenges when the self-criticism is high

01- Identify destructive behaviours, thoughts or language and use them as a signal to pay attention. Look for repetitive or obsessive behaviours. You inner critic ( I call her my mean girl) wants to keep you small and wants you to think that you are not good enough. Become aware of her and what she says, her tone and how mean she is and that will help mute her out! Realize that she is not telling you the truth AND once you do, she won't be as loud anymore ( Yayyy!) and you will be left with your intuition and your truth. Replace your destructive behaviours with things that nurture you and bring you joy (reading a great book, going for a walk, meditating, pouring a bath are my favourite right now).

02- Give yourself some credit. Make a list of all that you have accomplished. Even the "little things", give yourself some credit! You will never become the person you are meant to be if you are victimizing yourself and hate yourself- start loving and appreciating who you are and what you've done. Make a list. Give yourself some credit and write down what you have accomplished today. You will be surprised at how much you come up with when you actually give yourself some credit for all that you do.

03- Redefine what's important- set an intention and connect to your vision. Where do you see yourself after all of this? What must you learn, let go of or grow into to get there? My family's health and well-being is number one right now and often that means me letting go of what I think needs to get done and being present with them... and knowing that THAT IS ENOUGH. Anchoring to your future will help you navigate the rough waters and stay consistent when the self-doubt and criticism creeps up again.

04- Ask for help. Ask others that have navigated these waters, read books on the topic, ask for guidance and support from the universe. Seek professional help if you feel that is what you need. What do you need to do in order to feel supported? Who could you ask for guidance?

05- Give yourself grace- do not be so hard on yourself. You are human. I had to remind myself that “my best” can and will look vastly different from day to day and week to week. When you feel yourself be mean, soften your eyes at the person in the mirror and have more love and compassion for her. She's doing her best too. Lovingly redirect instead of beating yourself up for regressing ( you are human after all).

Life is happening for us.

I want you to look back at this time with great pride in who you became and how resourceful you were.

Yes life is tough in so many ways right now but you've been through some tough shit in your life. You are so much stronger than you make yourself out to be. Believe in yourself and know that you are meant to be here, right now.

It is not about being perfect or always getting it "right", it's about continually learning, growing and doing our best.

xo

Watch this week's video here